For years, I chose to exist in a bubble of false security. I was shrouded in the comforts of my mind, afraid to destroy the shackles restraining me from living. I was content in my life, and I had little desire to change the way things had come to be. But harsh secrets were lurking in the shadows, and I hid the dark stories of my life within them. As my bubble began to disintegrate, everything changed. I was confronted with emotions I had eluded for too long, and I found myself face-to-face with most of my fears.

As the demise of my marriage became undeniably apparent, my world as I knew it dissolved into unrecognizable pieces. I didn't know how to be alone. I didn't sleep when my kids weren't with me, and I continue to struggle with this today. I trusted no one, and I hid from the world. I lost friends, evaded the gossipers, and cut ties with anyone I felt was connected to my pain. There were only a few who knew the truth, and they became the life-line I learned to depend on. Everyone else faded quietly into the background.

The first year was the hardest, as I learned to adapt to my new life. My identity was gone; I was no longer a wife and a full-time mom. I grappled with who I had become, and my lack of individuality terrified me to my core. I didn't want to live this new life; I wanted to retreat back to my comfort zone and put my head in the sand despite all the reasons I had found myself here in the first place.

Personal growth is an independent endeavor, and finding my worth, confidence, and strengths became my purpose. Some would say it is selfish; I say it is vital. For me, it started small; with a solo hike in the wilderness. I broke the rules that day, I didn't tell a soul where I was going or my intentions. I set out on a mission to validate for myself I could be self-reliant; albeit only a few hours at a time.

Ecotherapy became essential to my way of life. Learning to successfully navigate the wilderness alone was empowering. Being in solitude grounded my anxieties, and I was at peace with nature. I brought the lessons Mother Nature taught home with me, and I learned to integrate them into my daily living. My stress levels decreased, my confidence increased, and my perspectives changed. I became more compassionate, less judgmental, and more forgiving.

I was identifiable to myself again; I was no longer limited by my marital status or life circumstances. Fear would no longer control my actions--well, for the most part, this is still a work in progress. I challenged myself to adventures, once inconceivable in my timid mind, and I succeeded. Each victory and failure led to growth within, and I am closer to the person I want to be because of them.

I am not finished learning and experiencing in this life just yet. Five short years ago, my world wasn't at all how I had imagined. Now, I am living the life I was intended to live with the people who were intended for me. I am not regretful for all the turbulence that has brought me here, I am grateful for all the opportunities that have come my way because of it. Because dammit, I did it!