Forgiveness
“There is a simple practice we can do to cultivate forgiveness. First we acknowledge what we feel — shame, revenge, embarrassment, remorse. Then we forgive ourselves for being human. Then, in the spirit of not wallowing in the pain, we let go and make a fresh start. We don’t have to carry the burden with us anymore. We will discover forgiveness as a natural expression of the open heart, an expression of our basic goodness. This potential is inherent in every moment. Each moment is an opportunity to make a fresh start.”
I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, some bigger than others. Some, I feel, I never deserve forgiveness in response to the acts I committed. I hold myself accountable, carrying a large amount of guilt, heavy enough it weighs me down and holds me back from finding the person I am truly supposed to be. To release that guilt is the hardest test I have ever been given. I waiver, back and forth, over my self worth and whether my ability to say, “I am sorry,” would ever really be enough to help right the things I have done wrong. Recently, I was graciously given forgiveness from someone I had wronged in ways I can never imagine myself doing. I was weak, and she never deserved the hurt I caused her. Even more surprising, I did not deserve the kindness she offered. I was in shock. I expected a punishment, at least a tongue lashing, and a strike to my reputation I would have more than understood. I hope that faced with the same betrayal, I could graciously offer my forgiveness, learn from her, and allow one who has wronged me to be free. I am not sure I am that strong, but she has shown me a path most others wouldn’t take. I admire her strength, her faith in God, her ability to follow in His ways to release those who have done her wrong. I have prayed for her, prayed for her family, and prayed for my penance. I feel as though I am not worthy of happiness, convinced I stole something from her I could never replace, stole her security, and took what did not belong to me. I won’t ever forget her kindness, her graciousness, and her closure, the anticlimactic ending I was not expecting. There are still good people in this world, people who believe in the faith of God and live it in their daily lives. She gave me a wonderful gift, one I can never repay, and I hope she finds peace and happiness in her life she deserves.